Total Eclipse of the Heart...Literal Version
We have been discussing how music videos can tell a story. Sometimes, that story does not make sense with the lyrics of the song. Hence, a new trend on YouTube called "Literal Versions" of songs. Not only are these newly composed pieces often better than the original (some songs of the 1980s leave something to be desired), but they are also pretty funny.
What Bonnie Tyler was getting at with this video and story in the original video is beyond me. But the literal version of the video beautifully narraters her confusion as to why she is trapped in a prep school with underage boys, several of whom are athletic dancers.
Here is the video (sorry, embedding is disabled for some reason):
Total Eclipse of the Heart (Literal Version)
And the lyrics:
(Pan the room.)
Random use of candles, empty bottles, and cloth,
and can you see me through this fan?
(Slo-mo dove.)
Creepy doll, a window, and what looks like a bathrobe.
Then, a dim-lit shot of dangling balls.
(Metaphor?)
Close-up of some candles, and dramatically posing.
Then, stock footage of a moon in the sky.
(Bottle shot.)
Messing up my close-up with a floating blue curtain.
Now, let’s see who’s coming in from outside.
(Double doors open)
Why aren’t I reacting in this shot?
(Ringo Starr? Lined eyes.)
Guess I should be acting, but I’m not.
(Doors ajar.)
Wander through a hall with doors that magically open,
and this classroom has a fan.
(Open shirts.)
Now it’s getting creepy.
You can tell by my staring,
it’s a long time since I’ve been with a man.
(Stupid chair.)
Emo Kid is throwing Slo-Mo Dove at my face.
I guess that means that he just flipped me the bird.
(Locker room.)
Staring at the swim team gets you killed by a gang
of dancing ninja men who know how to twirl.
(Spin around. Ninjas!)
Then, a bunch of preppies make a toast.
(Drinking wine. Douchebags!)
Most of it just ends up on the floor.
And they shouldn’t fence at night
or they’re gonna hurt the gymnasts.
Why do they play football inside?
Here’s another shot of fencing.
And I’ve mostly been lit from behind.
Watch these shadows run off.
I walk onto a terrace where I think I’m alone.
But Arthur Fonzarelli’s got an army of clones.
(Fonzie’s been cloned!)
They do the Macarena,
but I’m still not impressed.
They beg for me to dance with them,
but not in this dress!
I’ll pose like Rocky tonight!
I’m running up a bunch of stairs.
(Strip football, and surprise mirror!)
Here’s where I pretend to be Eva Peron.
Look at me, I’m lifting my arms.
There’s nothing else to shoot,
so zoom camera under this arch.
Leaning on myself, because there’s two of me here.
But now there’s only one on this shot.
I pull my feathered hair
whenever I see floating cloth.
[Instrumental, but dascottjr inserted some literal dialogue.]
(Blind possessed choir boys.)
Get out of my way! I’ve gotta pee!
(Zombie cult!)
Never mind. I just went on the floor!
Now I need to find a mop!
(Look at me now!)
Emo Kid wears too much makeup.
Now, watch a bunch of half-naked guys
(Hairless chests.)
As they dance around in diapers.
And I’ve joined the Glee Club of the Damned.
(Reference joke!)
Look, the fog machine’s on!
What kind of private school would let in these kind of guys?
It started out as Hogwarts,
now it’s Lord of the Flies!
(I hated that book.)
I’m swaying side to side.
These dancers need to stop.
The gayest man on earth would call this over the top!
I whip my head to the right!
I’ll never go to church again.
(I think I lost a contact lens.)
When did spazzing out qualify as a dance?
Kneeling like I want to throw up.
What the effing crap?
That angel guy just felt me up!
Here’s a line of guys. I was wearing a dress.
But now they’ve got me wearing a suit.
(One kid’s running late.
I think he’s too young for this school.)
I’m totally shaking his hand.
(Mullet with headlights?
Over-surprised guy.
Weirded out…)
What Bonnie Tyler was getting at with this video and story in the original video is beyond me. But the literal version of the video beautifully narraters her confusion as to why she is trapped in a prep school with underage boys, several of whom are athletic dancers.
Here is the video (sorry, embedding is disabled for some reason):
Total Eclipse of the Heart (Literal Version)
And the lyrics:
(Pan the room.)
Random use of candles, empty bottles, and cloth,
and can you see me through this fan?
(Slo-mo dove.)
Creepy doll, a window, and what looks like a bathrobe.
Then, a dim-lit shot of dangling balls.
(Metaphor?)
Close-up of some candles, and dramatically posing.
Then, stock footage of a moon in the sky.
(Bottle shot.)
Messing up my close-up with a floating blue curtain.
Now, let’s see who’s coming in from outside.
(Double doors open)
Why aren’t I reacting in this shot?
(Ringo Starr? Lined eyes.)
Guess I should be acting, but I’m not.
(Doors ajar.)
Wander through a hall with doors that magically open,
and this classroom has a fan.
(Open shirts.)
Now it’s getting creepy.
You can tell by my staring,
it’s a long time since I’ve been with a man.
(Stupid chair.)
Emo Kid is throwing Slo-Mo Dove at my face.
I guess that means that he just flipped me the bird.
(Locker room.)
Staring at the swim team gets you killed by a gang
of dancing ninja men who know how to twirl.
(Spin around. Ninjas!)
Then, a bunch of preppies make a toast.
(Drinking wine. Douchebags!)
Most of it just ends up on the floor.
And they shouldn’t fence at night
or they’re gonna hurt the gymnasts.
Why do they play football inside?
Here’s another shot of fencing.
And I’ve mostly been lit from behind.
Watch these shadows run off.
I walk onto a terrace where I think I’m alone.
But Arthur Fonzarelli’s got an army of clones.
(Fonzie’s been cloned!)
They do the Macarena,
but I’m still not impressed.
They beg for me to dance with them,
but not in this dress!
I’ll pose like Rocky tonight!
I’m running up a bunch of stairs.
(Strip football, and surprise mirror!)
Here’s where I pretend to be Eva Peron.
Look at me, I’m lifting my arms.
There’s nothing else to shoot,
so zoom camera under this arch.
Leaning on myself, because there’s two of me here.
But now there’s only one on this shot.
I pull my feathered hair
whenever I see floating cloth.
[Instrumental, but dascottjr inserted some literal dialogue.]
(Blind possessed choir boys.)
Get out of my way! I’ve gotta pee!
(Zombie cult!)
Never mind. I just went on the floor!
Now I need to find a mop!
(Look at me now!)
Emo Kid wears too much makeup.
Now, watch a bunch of half-naked guys
(Hairless chests.)
As they dance around in diapers.
And I’ve joined the Glee Club of the Damned.
(Reference joke!)
Look, the fog machine’s on!
What kind of private school would let in these kind of guys?
It started out as Hogwarts,
now it’s Lord of the Flies!
(I hated that book.)
I’m swaying side to side.
These dancers need to stop.
The gayest man on earth would call this over the top!
I whip my head to the right!
I’ll never go to church again.
(I think I lost a contact lens.)
When did spazzing out qualify as a dance?
Kneeling like I want to throw up.
What the effing crap?
That angel guy just felt me up!
Here’s a line of guys. I was wearing a dress.
But now they’ve got me wearing a suit.
(One kid’s running late.
I think he’s too young for this school.)
I’m totally shaking his hand.
(Mullet with headlights?
Over-surprised guy.
Weirded out…)
As you can see, you get a full idea of the story from these lyrics and the video. The setting is described, and her confusion is illustrated as she runs through this dream-like scene. The story in the literal version seems more like she might be a new school headmistress who has to deal with prep school boys, the thought of which gives her strange nightmares. The Total Eclipse of the Heart story seems like they filmed something, wrote a song, and matched them because they couldn't think of anything better to film.
Comments